Anonymous asked: I have a question. What do you think of someone forming a friendship for the purpose of an actual friendship, and then liking them later on? Or perhaps befriending someone because you think you might like them, but wanting to be good friends first because you're the kind of person who likes to date people who were close friends first? This question is coming from a girl, by the way.
well, you’re still going to face a lot of the same problems. there’s still a huge chance that they’ll say they don’t wanna ruin the friendship, they feel like you’re family to them, etc. it’s not Nice Guy behavior to develop a crush later on, but befriending someone with the intent to date them is.
Anonymous asked: I'm wondering what you think of this situation and if any part of it is nice guy behaviour. I have a crush on a women I'm friends with that has become pretty blatant to most people but I refuse to act on it. I'm not trying to backdoor my way into a relationship I honestly don't want to date her as I'm fine the way things are. Is keeping it hidden a bad thing because I sort of feel guilty about not admitting it.
I don’t think so, if you truly don’t want to date her. I’ve had crushes on married people and bosses that I’ve kept to myself (obviously I couldnt seriously consider dating them) and if you don’t wanna date her, there’s no reason to tell her.
Anonymous asked: By you using slurs "ironically" that have been used to oppress you, it's as like Black people calling other Black people "ni----s". It's an oppressive word/term. It shouldn't be used by anyone and just because it's been used against you, doesn't give you the right to use it as well.
wow now you’re policing black people’s language too
Anonymous asked: Oh good a "gender roles suck" post. Tumblr needs more people privileging white western secular feminism above all other breeds of feminism.
do you want me to celebrate oppressive gender roles? I was referring to one specific one, the “guy always asks the girl out” one. I said you can follow it if you want, but don’t blame the guy for not knowing you’re interested.
seriously what do you want from me
Anonymous asked: Please don't use slurs ironically
I only use ones that have been used to oppress me (hence why I used “friend zoning bitch” in the last one.)
Anonymous asked: Maybe you can help, I found a fedora on the street filled with kindness coins and I don't know where to use them or what to do with them, what should I do?
be careful, it’s a trap. some friend zoning bitch left them there to lure you in, but all that she’ll do is be your friend (THE HORROR!)
dude befriending someone (and by that I mean clearly establishing a friendship, not just hanging out a few times) is one of the worst ways to try and date someone. normally, it ends in hurt feelings, awkward moments, and phrases like
“i just don’t want to ruin what we have now” or
“how long have you felt that way? I though we were just friends.” or
“we’re like family now, it would be weird”
and all of those thoughts are valid. because you pursued a friendship, not a romantic relationship.
so don’t complain about the friend zone, you put yourself there.
Anonymous asked: Women who let their crushes fester because they feel the guy is supposed to do the asking out are reason #57483957 why gender roles suck. Sure, you might feel more comfortable waiting for him to make the first move, but if he's not actually interested in you, that move is never going to come. Use your words, ask him out, date him if he's interested, and get on with your life if he's not.
Anonymous asked: ??? if a friend stopped talking to you out of the blue, you'd be hurt and want to know why. of course that's not good. then you find out it's because they're attracted to you. that would make things WAY more awkward than if /they just told you in the first place so you could let them down gently/. You can be attracted to someone and know that they don't reciprocate and still be friends with them /without hoping vainly that they'll change their mind someday/. That last part= Nice Guy TM.
Anonymous asked: "um they both are examples of shitty nice guy behavior. " But you said before it was okay if someone couldn't remain friends as long as they were respectful/ not resentful about it. Now you're saying even if they aren't resentful it's still "shitty nice guy behavior"? This is inconsistent. I also believe it's unfair to people who do have real social problems, but are not resentful when things don't go how they had hoped, and at this point it does become an ableist issue. If you believe that
I said letting a crush fester until you can’t even be friends with them is shitty you are leaving out vital information here
Anonymous asked: "letting a crush fester to the point that you either have to date them or end the friendship" is "shitty nice guy behavior" even when a person has a legitimate reasons for being unable to ask someone out or flirt, and respectfully ends the friendship once they realize they're feelings aren't reciprocated, then you are lacking in compassion for people who have situations that are different from yours.
look abruptly refusing to be friends with someone (after you’ve been friends for awhile) is shitty okay
edit : especially if it’s because of an unrequited crush (that you possibly didn’t tell them about)
you are not obligated to be friends with anyone, and stoping a friendship isn’t necessarily nice guy behavior, but it definitely can be.
Anonymous asked: You change the goal posts. In your most recent post you said "Nice Guy behavior is not being forward yet resenting them for not returning (and probably not knowing) your feelings," but previously you posted an anonymous that said "The Nice Guy TM behavior in any relationship is letting a crush fester to the point that you either have to date them or end the friendship." Ending a friendship in this situation doesn't necessarily involve any resentment, but assuming you agree with that
"cont anonymous post then you believe it is nice guy behavior even when no resentment is involved. you seem inconsistent in your definition of nice guy behavior. Which is it?"
um they both are examples of shitty nice guy behavior.
Anonymous asked: Social Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Aspergers/Autism are all examples of disorders and differences that can make seemingly normal things like expressing romantic interest, flirting, and asking someone out difficult if not impossible for men and women who have them. I don't think we should be so hard on people whose social skills are below average, they often have other great things about them.
Okay. Don’t make this an ableist issue when it’s not. If you can’t ask someone out and be forward for whatever reason, that is not the other persons fault. Nice Guy behavior is not being forward yet resenting them for not returning (and probably not knowing) your feelings.
Anonymous asked: "You can disregard those gender roles in your own life but it is not wrong if people are comfortable with those roles and want to follow them in their own personal lives." Except that if you let a crush fester so long that you either have date a person or stop talking to them, you're NOT comfortable with those gender roles. They're actually making your life harder.