What The Fuck, "Nice Guys"?

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Fri, 24 May 2013 15:13:25 -0400

jadedmalice: c-conda: Truth. This guy knows what’s up.

Thu, 23 May 2013 01:42:00 -0400

c-conda:

Truth.

This guy knows what’s up.

holy shit there are 15 asks in my inbox about Rory

Thu, 23 May 2013 01:20:17 -0400

I don’t even watch Doctor Who, but hey, I can see that Rory being a Nice Guy™ is definitely up for debate. Anyway, I’m not going to post them all here.

Any Doctor Who fans here? Because Rory Williams is a MASSIVE Nice Guy(TM). Amy starts going out with him because he hangs around her in childhood being nice to her without saying anything for years. Then she gets married to him because he's nice to her FOR 2000 YEARS. And he makes passive aggressive comments about her wanting an exciting life outside of him and his ideal dream world is one where she's a devoted housewife having his baby.

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:08:44 -0400

“I’d like to share my experience with being “friendzoned”. See, there was...

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:39:00 -0400

“I’d like to share my experience with being “friendzoned”. See, there was this straight girl. Liked the same things I did, for the most part, funny, intelligent, pretty. Also she had a boyfriend who seemed like he was pretty ok, but then they broke up and he was a real jerk about it, and I was there and being a good friend, all the classic stuff. And I had a huge crush on her. And when I brought it up she told me she was flattered, but also y’know, not into me. And because I genuinely liked her, and cared about her, I backed off, she didn’t owe me a romantic relationship. And I got over it. She’s still pretty awesome. And I’m still friends with her. Because she’s still intelligent, funny, and into the same stuff as me. She’s probably the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

Tue, 21 May 2013 19:10:11 -0400

literaryreference:

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

thesassyjessy: Rebloggable as requested.

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:21:17 -0400

thesassyjessy:

Rebloggable as requested.

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Mon, 20 May 2013 21:53:24 -0400

Tell me if I'm being slow, but isn't "twat" quite different from "pussy" and the c-word? "Pussy" is a gendered slur because it demeans people by attributing stereotypically female values like weakness to them. And the fact that the c-word is considered a stronger insult that anything is obviously demeaning to women. But I thought calling somebody a "twat" is usually a gender neutral insult no harsher than calling them a "dick" or a "knob". I'm genuinely curious, and if true I'll stop using it.

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:52:49 -0400

“dick” is gendered too. the reason people had a problem with “twat” is because this is supposed to be a feminist blog and using a slur gendered against women is hypocritical.

How was my message about beauty "misogynistic"? Because I used a word that someone had a different interpretation on and was offended by it?

Mon, 20 May 2013 14:46:58 -0400

Twat is a gendered slur, kind of like calling someone a pussy.

Raging all over facebook about feminist issues (street harassment, chivalry, slut shaming) was the turning point for my nice guy best friend to get over his crush and quit making advances.

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:14:40 -0400

My friend recently had to cut off contact with a Nice Guy™. They were friends online, and at one point went to the same convention where he wouldn't stop touching her. He kept bothering her to be the unwilling subject of a photoshoot, vaueblogged about her (making it smack-your-face obvious who he was talking about) and made her uncomfortable every time they talked. The final straw was when he was upset she was going to her best friend's wedding instead of his b-day party. BUT HE'S SO "Nice!" :|

Sun, 19 May 2013 03:46:55 -0400

meladoodle: “yeah.. you’re real cute!! you’re like man’s best friend” *dog looks down in...

Sun, 19 May 2013 02:47:06 -0400

meladoodle:

“yeah.. you’re real cute!! you’re like man’s best friend” *dog looks down in disappointment* he’s been friendzoned by man yet again…

The message about beauty, though relevant and important, was also misogynistic. How about, in a space meant for women, we stop using gendered slurs like "twat" to describe things/people we don't like?

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:22:19 -0400

True. Twats are pretty great, it shouldn’t be used as an insult!

Any other Nice Guy or OKC blogs you can recommend?

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:20:40 -0400

http://creepsandbigots.tumblr.com/
http://fedorasofokc.tumblr.com/
http://antiwhiteknight.tumblr.com/

It's a pretty crummy situation with Nice Gal™ there (absolutely agreed with your advice for her), but at leasther story would serve as a great RESOURCE post. Good to have a real reference of Nice Guy™ attitude in someone who's not a straight man. We can link it every time someone implies that hetero men are the only people who ever feel "friend-zoned".

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:18:45 -0400

I'm afraid to even talk to girls without their consent.

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:18:02 -0400

Don’t be afraid to initiate a conversation, just respect them if they don’t feel like talking.

Why can't there be more emphasis put on changing the culture of what's considered "beautiful" (because let's face it - when EVERYONE looks the same beauty will cease to exist) rather than people whining about either gender not dating based on superficial appearances. Stop with the god damn generalizations and fuck superficial twats, there ARE decent people out there. /End rant.

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:15:58 -0400

Oh look, it’s a Nice Gal™.On a few points, I do feel a...

Sat, 18 May 2013 15:15:31 -0400

Oh look, it’s a Nice Gal™.
On a few points, I do feel a little bad for her. Fooling around and telling her that she loves her? That wasn’t cool. However, this girl who wrote the post (let’s call her Red) is seriously going overboard, and expected too much.
First off, the girl told Red that she “wasn’t the slightest of gay” and never made it official that they were a couple. Red even admits that they were “never technically girlfriends” through all of this. Also, Red seems to think that she’s owed something because she spent so much on this girl. Hate to break it to you Red, you could have given her a solid gold mansion and a Bengal tiger and she STILL wouldn’t owe you a relationship.
Further on in the post, the girl makes it clear to Red that they weren’t a couple. She even told Red about the people she was dating. This isn’t something a girlfriend would do. This girl clearly saw Red as a good friend, and then Red stopped talking to her.
Now, let’s look at the cards. The options are “I will love you more than anyone ever will.” and “Karma will see you soon.” Wow. While both are bad ideas, the first one conveys desperation, while the second one is a little threatening. As far as “I don’t know if I should continue to be nice”, I just have to say, Red, nobody is making you be nice. But going out of your way to be a dick isn’t cool, and will probably have huge repercussions. As far as “making her feel bad for what she did”, why not just tell her how you feel? I doubt she’s a robot, she probably just doesn’t realize that she hurt your feelings.

Point is, Red, you are an entitled Nice Gal™, no doubt about it.

Not even just starving to death, but undergoing dangerous life-altering surgeries; wearing uncomfortable, impractical items every single day; spending huge amounts of money on "beauty products." I don't doubt there are men who comparably do these things to "look attractive" but they are a small minority; with women these are common, even obligatory, practices.

Sat, 18 May 2013 05:00:51 -0400